Nothing saddens me more as a couples’ therapist than sitting with two people who could have saved their relationship if they had presented sooner for counselling. When they are compatible and have the potential for a healthy future together but the relationship has been so badly damaged that it seems irreparable. Death by a thousand cuts. It’s such a difficult place to come back from.
The stats show that around 1 in 4 couples can repair the relationship at this point and in my experience that feels about right but so many more could succeed if they just came for support a little sooner. Before the last straw.
Looking out for that point in the relationship and choosing to act takes courage, awareness and determination. Resistance is likely, either from one or both partners.
So how do you get over that hurdle and make an appointment?
Consider what is causing the resistance. Has there been a power battle in the relationship? Perhaps agreeing to counselling feels like stepping down or admitting defeat. It could be that there is some shame around the issues in the relationship and a discomfort in talking about it or indeed, shame for needing help at all. Is there an element of denial or a sense that one partner is the only one to blame?
Taking a step towards couples’ therapy is always a positive act. Even if the relationship does not recover, there will, without doubt, still be value in the help and guidance that a therapist can offer. Consider the potential positives of a good outcome and how worth it this could be. There’s literally nothing to lose.